Today’s visit was neither terrible nor great. Numbers are heading up – not speedily, but yes up, slowly. So there’s nothing to change treatment-wise right now. It’s not an urgent situation. We’re waiting for two months — yay, two months without a trip to DF! In November I’ll have a CT scan and MRI. Blood numbers too, of course. We’ll see what it all looks like then and rethink.
I’m feeling okay about today. I had been expecting worse. Because of all the fun this summer it just felt like some shoe should be dropping! Well, not actually because of having a fun summer, but because it’s time for something to change. It’s the way cancer works. I’ve been on my current meds for over a year. I take really good care of myself to stay healthy as long as possible, but without a new miracle medicine or some divine intervention, my future is set. Flexible to a degree, but set. I’ve gotten used to it. I’m not all that different from everyone else on the planet … we ALL know we’re not getting out of here alive! (thank you Henry!)
When I was young I thought being hit by a bus was absolutely the best way to ‘go.’ No warning whatsoever. Now after living most of my life with chronic illnesses, I’ve changed my mind. Having time to know and to plan is fantastic. Like this summer! I checked so many things off my bucket list this summer!!! Ha! … Wait a second! Whoa, whoa. QUICK – it’s time to add more items to my bucket list. Open-ended items, lots of projects! Otherwise, if the list is all checked off, wouldn’t that mean it’s time to go?!!
Not now though. Hell no. My friend Alison’s kitchen project still needs me!